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Ode to the Road – A Tribute to Annoying Roadside Things

Ode to the Road – A Tribute to Annoying Random Roadside Things

Road trips can be fun, but daily driving can be a chore. Especially if like me, you have to spend hours every day stuck in traffic. Sometimes I find my mind wandering and like to come up with creative back stories for all of those annoying random objects I see during my regular commute. So without further ado, I give you my “Ode to the Road” aka “Rode”.

Er…whatever, shut up.

From flying rocks, to sneaky cops, I present "Ode to the Road" - A tribute to annoying roadside things
From flying rocks, to sneaky cops, I present “Ode to the Road” – A tribute to annoying roadside things.*


Ode to the Road – The Blanket

Oh blanket on the side of the road. All rolled up, dirty, and gross. You look so mysterious with your tire-tracked fabric just flapping in the wind. How did you get there?

Oh blanket on the road, what are you hiding?
Oh blanket on the road, what are you hiding?

Did you belong to a child who decided to toss you out the window when they no longer needed your security? Or maybe you were used to protect someone’s furniture while they were moving and simply flew off leaving grandma’s dresser exposed to the elements.

But when I see you, blanket, I usually think you are covering up a dead body or a severed head. I’m sure someone is missing you (and that severed head) a lot.

Blanket, please accept my condolences.


Ode to the Road – The Plastic Bag

Oh plastic bag floating in the wind. Why do you have to be such an a-hole? When I spot you flailing wildly as the cars whiz by, why is it always my car that you are attracted to?

Stay away from me, plastic bag!
Stay away from me, plastic bag!

Do you just love getting stuck to my grill, making me look like an idiot as the other cars point and laugh? Or even worse, getting stuck under my car to some metal car thing that will probably cause an explosion.

Yes plastic bag, you suck. But I’m always happy when I pass you and breathe a sigh of relief when I see you in my rear view mirror.

And I’m even happier when I see you have moved on to someone else’s car so I can point and laugh at them.

Plastic bag, you’re such a jerk!



Ode to the Road – The Shredded Tire

Oh shredded tire that exploded on the freeway. I’m so sorry you were murdered. And so often, you spread yourself over multiple lanes so I inevitably get stuck driving over you.

Somehow I always manage to drive over tire debris!
Somehow I always manage to drive over tire debris!

You are dangerous, shredded tire. Even in your untimely demise, the metal spikes you have inside your heart end up causing harm to other innocent, unsuspecting tires like mine.

Have fun avenging your death, you bastard.

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Ode to the Road – The Sneaky Cop

Oh sneaky cop hiding in the underpass. Yeah, I see you!

Sneaky cop, why don't you go pick on someone else?
Sneaky cop, why don’t you go pick on someone else?

You think you are so clever on your motorcycle pointing that radar at me. Well just for that I am going to slow down and drive the speed limit when I see you.

But the ONE time I go 90 just to pass a truck, why do you always seem to find me?

Seriously, why aren’t you pulling over that crazy dude in the corvette who was weaving in and out of traffic 10 minutes ago?

Why do bad things happen to good people!? Dammit.



Ode to the Road – Freaking bugs

Oh stupid bugs. Why do you have to be so dumb?

You really have no business being on the road.

Freaking bugs - Nope. You are NOT getting in my car!
Freaking bugs – Nope. You are NOT getting in my car!

If you want to commit suicide against my grill, I guess that’s your business. But you make an awful hood ornament.

Especially you bees. I see you hovering around – making me roll up my windows and stuff. Don’t you dare fly inside!

What would I do should you dare to enter my personal lair? Are you trying to make me have an accident?

It’s bad enough I run from you -arms flailing – when I’m just walking down the street. But if you were in my car I think I would lose it all together.

I need to come up with a plan. Do I pull over and wait for you to leave? Or do I just try to stay calm while I find the nearest gas station where I can ask some burly man to help me get you out of the car?

Staying calm is easier said than done if I hear you buzzing around my personal space. You are not allowed in my car.

Nope. Not an option.

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Ode to the Road – The Rock

Oh rock. I probably hate you the most. Where the hell did you come from?

Rocks love my windshield. Guess that's why they are dumb as rocks.
Rocks love my windshield. Rocks are jerks.

Why can’t I ever see you coming? I only hear that dreaded sound that causes instant panic.

OMG! What was that!? Is this a drive-by shooting?

No. It was you – you stupid rock.

Sometimes I see you when you are big – but I can’t simply swerve into traffic to avoid you. And you know this.

Yet, most of the time you are small – like a grain of sand travelling at 70 mph who’s sole intention is to crack my window (5 times in the past 7 years).

I hear the sharp crack and look closely at the windshield hoping that I got by unscathed. But, nope. There it is. That tiny sliver of glass glimmering in the sunlight.

As the hours pass, it spreads so far that there is no going back. There goes my windshield and my insurance.

Oh Rock, you are such a douche.


Can you relate to my Ode to the Road? What random roadside things annoy you the most? Leave me a comment and let me know!


Disclosure: I was not compensated for writing this post, but it does contains affiliate links which means I may be compensated a small amount if you click through and purchase. Full disclosure policy here.**

*Photo credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/whereisat/

Published inRants and Rambles

22 Comments

  1. makeamomsmile makeamomsmile

    LOL i always wonder where stuff like a blanket on the side of the highway comes from. Guessing it comes from this people who pack pick up trucks roof high when moving.

    • That’s a much more pleasant thought than mine. LOL!

    • True story. I have had rocks hit my windshield more times than I can count. But so far I’ve only had to replace my windshield 5x – like that’s not enough. I currently have a few other cracks in my windshield now that I am living with as they haven’t spread fortunately. But it’s only a matter of time…Dumb rocks.

  2. This too funny. I hate the bugs on the windshield. It drives me crazy. Also, don’t care for the blanket on the side of the road either lol

  3. What a great post! I always wonder how anyone could leave a tyre on the side of the road, like they’re just driving along and then lose a tyre but don’t even notice lol! x

  4. LOL, these were great! Yes I hate all of those things as well!

  5. Hahaha a funny read! I liked the bit about insects, there really is no need!

  6. lol I love this post!!!! The one that also gets me is the one random shoe! Like how did someone accidentally leave behind a shoe on the freeway! Is it sad because it will never find its mate? lol!

    • Oh yeah! I didn’t think about that one. That’s so true, it’s probably just miserable now. Poor shoe.

  7. You surely made my day reading these my favorite one is the bug story. I’m like that with a spider I would wreck no doubt if a spider or bee was in my car. Thank you for the smile today reading your post.

  8. How about the horrible potholes that keep forming on the interstate between my town and the next big city. The state keeps filling the holes in and has been for the past 10+ years but has not actually fixed the dang craters!

    • Yassss! And even when they fill them in, one rainstorm and they are messed up again. Potholes are dicks.

  9. Love this post everything that you mentioned is so true. I mean everyone can relate to these roadside annoyances. LOL

  10. Lol.. We dread from a honk by the police.. Random dogs may be added to the list

    • Oh yes! Random animals are so annoying. It’s so dangerous when they are on the road.

  11. This was hilarious! Especially those damned bugs!

  12. I just can relate to your post. Sometimes these are my rants when traveling and watching the road too. I know many people can really agree on this.

  13. Oh that damn rock! I have many dings from them and my windsheild is all cracked up because of flying rocks!

  14. Thankfully I haven’t had to deal with the rock just yet. But those bugs drive me crazy on the long road trips. I end up with them all over the windows. Bleh!

  15. From all the things you mention, the sneaky cop stood out the most. They always hide and come out of nowhere. Don’t like when that happens. Good list of items and fun read.

  16. On Women's Mind On Women's Mind

    It’s a lovely post , the way you actually pointed out the ode of roads it’s really great. Truly we never thought of from where these ode comes … good post.

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